Fight for your Wright

Back in high school, I remember learning about that fateful day when Orville and Wilbur Wright made the first heavier-than-air flight at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. What a momentous day. Changed the world. And NC is proud that they hosted this event; you’ll notice they make it clear to everyone of this grand accomplishment by plastering it all over their…cars. This is slightly ironic; adorning vehicles with reminders that there are better modes of transportation out there. To me, this would be like Ashlee Simpson wearing a shirt that says, “Jessica Simpson’s Sister”. Hmm, mentioning the Simpson sisters made me feel really dirty. I’ll try not to reference them again.

Anyway, North Carolina is entitled to brag a bit. Sure, it’s great two guys chose their state to fly the first plane. But earlier today, on my way to the Columbus airport, I noticed that the license plate on my rental car said, “Ohio bicentennial. Birthplace of aviation.” Oh, really? I thought that was North Carolina’s claim to fame? Well, using the power of the internet, I found out that the Wright Brothers grew up in Dayton, Ohio.

Oh.
Grand.

So, Ohio, are you telling me that after 200 years of being a state, the best thing you can put on your license plates is a reminder that two famous guys grew up in your state, only to leave when they wanted to do the cool stuff that made them famous? That’s weak. Why don’t you just let NC keep their slogan, and pick something better? Here are a couple of facts you could use:

Akron is the rubber capital of the world. (insert condom joke here)

Ohio is the birthplace of President Taft, the fattest president

Ohio is the birthplace of Arsenio Hall. He was neat.

Dresden, Ohio is the home of the world's largest basket. So large, you can fill it with a lot of rubber. And Arsenio. But not Taft. He’s way too fat.

So there you go, Ohio. That’s plenty to work with. But if you insist on touting the fact that the Wright brothers lived in your state, I suppose I can’t blame you. In fact, I thank you. I appreciate the fact that you raised the Wright Brothers, who would one day invent the airplane, a mode of transportation that I used today to follow in their footsteps and leave your state, so that I may go do cooler things in cooler places. Like, writing about Ohio while not being there.

Ryan: the epitome of cool.