Hurricane Ryan

When I was younger, I always hated the fact that both my first and last initial were near the end of the alphabet. Having such a name meant I was consistently at the back of the line, the last to be announced during roll call, etc. When I found out that hurricanes were named alphabetically, I was further irritated, because as a kid, I thought nothing would be cooler than a Hurricane Ryan wreaking havoc on parts of the country and have my name plastered all over the news. But alas, being alphabetically challenged, it seemed highly unlikely that there would be 17 named storms in one season, and thus there would never be a Hurricane Ryan.

But thanks to our good friend global warming, it seems that not only might we hit “R” this season, we might actually go beyond and run out of names, (see Hurricane Story for details…there might be a hurricane Alpha in our future). So, it seems that having a hurricane Ryan is now completely feasible. However, unlike the simplistic Ryan of yesteryear who would have loved having his name tied to a massive superstorm, the Ryan of today does not want his name associated with such death and destruction. After all, I have a friend Katrina, and while I personally know it wasn’t her that battered Louisiana and Mississippi, I sometimes wonder if she wasn’t somehow responsible, (kidding, Kat!).

Basically, I’ve reversed my previous thinking and am now hoping they don’t ever pick Ryan for the “R” named storm. If they do happen to pick Ryan, then I’m hoping it’s a mild season so that they never get to use my name. But, if everything comes together such that a storm named Ryan spawns out in the Atlantic, I hope I’m a very mild storm, (a tropical storm as opposed to a hurricane). Instead of gaining a lot of strength and taking it out on the coastal regions, I’d prefer to lazily drift up to an unsuspecting state, like Maine, and soak them for a bit before heading over to Canada, and then maybe travel down the Dakotas and then hover over the Great Plains. While I don’t want to have “Deadly Hurricane Ryan Ravages Miami” plastered all over the news, I think it would be acceptable to have “Mild Tropical Storm Ryan Continues to Annoy Thousands In Lincoln, Nebraska.” Because now that I think about it, the people of Nebraska could use a little excitement, (I mean, it IS Nebraska).