Fast Times at Ryanmont High

As some may know, I have been spending a lot of my time consulting with a (the?) major bath and body products company over the past few months. The project on which my company and I have been working is nearing its end, and therefore we have scheduled several final meetings to sum up our findings and present our deliverables. One such meeting was scheduled yesterday, all day, with around 12 people: me, another consultant, a principal (the consulting kind, not the school kind), and the president of my company, as well as several of the client’s employees, some VPs and the CFO of the entire multi-billion dollar company. You might say this meeting was important.

My day started as follows:

I arrived early and was waiting for the meeting to start when the principal entered the room, and asked me to step outside to speak with him privately.

Principal: “ [president of our company] " (name withheld to protect the innocent) " is not here.”
Ryan: “I see. Isn’t he presenting first?”
Principal: “Yes. He’s across town, without a car. You’ll need to go get him. Now.”

So out the door I ran, down three flights of stairs, through the corporate lobby, out the door, across the side walk, and through the parking lot to my rental car. As I was weaving in and out of employees who were coming at me head on, I recieved many angry stares, and an occasional, “Jesus, he almost knocked me over”. Yeah, I’m a reckless runner.

I made it to my car, and the clock read 9 am. I did some quick mental math: 9 am now + 15 minutes (without traffic) to where the president is + 15 minutes back = Not Good. Needless to say, I broke some laws. After doing 90+ on the freeway, careening dangerously around the exit ramps, using turn lanes as passing lanes, and taking out a few elderly jaywalkers, I made it to the pickup point only to see a cab leaving with the president.

Damn it. Time for a high speed U-turn.

Next, I found myself sitting at a traffic light behind the cab holding my rightful passenger, when suddenly I saw him pop out of the cab, throw some money at the driver, and hop in my car. Once again, I entered crazy taxi mode, and did the same trip in reverse, except this time with the president of my company in my car. While speed was a necessity, I had to remind myself: Must not kill the president. Bad for career development.

On the way back, I repeated many of the driving infractions committed on the first leg of the trip, and in addition, I ran several red lights, including a red arrow in the turn lane. Running that one was particular fun because not only did my car tires screech as we raced around the turn, but my passenger actually commented, “Whoah, we’re not going to make it!” But we did. Shows what he knows.

We made it back at around 9:20, and after dropping off the president at the front of the building, I had to park in the farthest spot in the farthest parking lot. I ran the entire way back, including through the building and up the stairs, (to the consternation of several security guards), and finally made it back to the conference room, with the meeting fully under way. I took the only seat left, which was right behind the CFO. Thanks to my unanticipated morning jog, I sat there, completely out of breath, trying to calm down my racing heart. I didn’t realize that my smoker-esque wheezing was right in the ear of the CFO, who turned around to see who had the emphysema, and found me, sweaty and red in the face. He gave me a confused look, and I smiled sheepishly. Great first impression.

Second impression: A while later, he was raising an issue regarding program costs and gross margin impact, and I decided that I would refute his point. In mid comment, I realized that arguing with the Chief Financial Officer about finances was not such a good idea. If he controls the finances of one of the largest retailers in the country, he probably knew what he was talking about.

I blame all that morning excitement for clouding my judgment.