Facial

I'm pretty sure this picture is prior to the shooting. But maybe not...

How funny is it that Dick shot a load onto some other guys face? I thought of it in the shower this morning, but was saddened with the realization that those late night talk show hosts probably already beat me to the punch and used that joke last night. But in case they didn't, well, I'll say it again: Dick shot a load on some guys face. Maybe he should have gone Quayle hunting instead, (or would that VP on VP action be too much for ya?!) Guns don't kill people, Cheyney kills people. Man, I could go on all morning...

Whatever Gets Your Goat

Have you ever seen fainting goats before?

Hello Lillie

I have four female cousins who live down in West Palm Beach, Florida, and they all share a common AOL screename. One of my cousins, Lillie, often ventures onto the internet and IMs me from said screename. I always enjoy talking to her, because her perspective as a 3rd grader always makes me chuckle. Plus, she is fiesty, and I enjoy fiesty people.

CousinsSharedIM (4:51:25 PM): hi ryan or kyle CousinsSharedIM (4:52:54 PM): hello ryan (4:52:55 PM): hi lilly CousinsSharedIM (4:53:33 PM): i am lillie are you ryan i think you are ryan (4:53:42 PM): yes i am ryan ryan (4:53:44 PM): you are good CousinsSharedIM (4:53:51 PM): yep CousinsSharedIM (4:54:53 PM): sunday i am going to see aunt carle this sunday CousinsSharedIM (4:56:06 PM): hello CousinsSharedIM (4:56:24 PM): 1 ryan (4:56:43 PM): yep ryan (4:56:45 PM): she told me CousinsSharedIM (4:57:25 PM): i have a new kid in my class ryan (4:58:51 PM): oh yeah? what's his or her name? CousinsSharedIM (4:59:08 PM): his name is jesse ryan (4:59:55 PM): is he nice? CousinsSharedIM (5:01:33 PM): he is shi he cryed so he ran then he was nice ryan (5:02:53 PM): oh ok CousinsSharedIM (5:03:35 PM): is aunt carle there ryan (5:04:13 PM): Aunt carole isn't in the room right now. CousinsSharedIM (5:04:45 PM): tell her i said hi CousinsSharedIM (5:04:57 PM): k ryan (5:06:12 PM): ok i'll do that CousinsSharedIM (5:07:06 PM): how do you know we are going to see her ryan (5:07:24 PM): well, I know she is going to florida ryan (5:07:29 PM): and you live in florida ryan (5:07:34 PM): so I assumed you would see her CousinsSharedIM (5:07:51 PM): yepppppppppppppppppp CousinsSharedIM (5:08:42 PM): yep ryan (5:10:16 PM): you changed your font color and size ryan (5:10:22 PM): and the length of your word ryan (5:10:25 PM): but the word was the same ryan (5:10:30 PM): it was still "yep" CousinsSharedIM (5:10:47 PM): ya CousinsSharedIM (5:13:36 PM): write ryan (5:15:20 PM): right CousinsSharedIM (5:16:06 PM): why did you write right CousinsSharedIM (5:16:14 PM): . ryan (5:17:18 PM): why did you write write? CousinsSharedIM (5:17:52 PM): that meanes write to me ryan (5:18:11 PM): what means "write" CousinsSharedIM (5:18:38 PM): it meanes write to me ryan (5:19:08 PM): what does? CousinsSharedIM (5:19:20 PM): write ryan (5:19:50 PM): "write" is when you type something ryan (5:19:59 PM): "right" is when you are saying you agree with something CousinsSharedIM (5:20:04 PM): ya CousinsSharedIM (5:20:16 PM): no ryan (5:20:46 PM): It's not? CousinsSharedIM (5:21:20 PM): it is ryan (5:22:49 PM): then why did you write "no"? ryan (5:22:58 PM): and why did you write "write"? CousinsSharedIM (5:23:31 PM): never mind! CousinsSharedIM (5:24:08 PM): >:o ryan (5:24:41 PM): :-( CousinsSharedIM (5:25:11 PM): :-$ CousinsSharedIM signed off at 5:25:16 PM.

Does your brain hurt now? Good.

I'm a little teacup...

I periodically check CNN.com throughout the day to stay abreast of the latest headlines. I just checked the main page, when I noticed one of the following headlines: Lindsay Lohan injured in teacup accident

Normally, I steer clear of celebrity gossip. However, when I saw "teacup accident", I must admit, I was intrigued. Had the headline read "Lindsay Lohan injured in car accident", I would have passed it over, as this has become a common thing, (I suppose she is a terrible driver). But TEACUP accident? What could that even mean?

I had visions in my head of Lindsay riding the teacup ride in Disney World, when all of a sudden the machine malfunctions and the cups break free and collide with each other, sending out a wave of limbs and other body parts onto other small children waiting their turn in line. Sure, that might be morbid, but it definitely would have been newsworthy.

Alas, CNN has let me down again. Apparently, a combination of coming out of the shower, using too much lotion, and being clumsy led to the "teacup accident" which turns out to be Ms. Lohan fell down some stairs and landed on a broken teacup.

CNN, once again, I feel let down. First you waste my time with these pointless articles, and then you don't even include any hot pictures! If you're not going to satisfy my intellectual cravings, at least give me some eye candy.

Thanks.