Happy Columbus Day

He directed Home Alone!

Since 1971, the second Monday in October has been used to celebrate Christopher Columbus, the person commonly referred to as the discoverer of the “New World”. Of course, the more educated will point out that he had discovered an already inhabited land, having been populated around 10,000 years earlier by Eurasians crossing the land bridge at what is now the Bering Straight. Even the Vikings explored parts of North America some 500 years before Columbus. Still, while ol’ Chrissy Columbo may not have been the first, his voyage certainly had an undeniable impact on the fate of the Americas.

However, those who argue that without Christopher Columbus, this land that you and I know would be a much different place are fooling themselves. It was only a matter of time before the New World caught the attention of Western Europe; Columbus just got to be the fortunate first. So how WOULD things be different if he hadn’t been the first to make that fabled voyage in 1492? As far as I can tell, the only thing that would change would be names of things. A river, a state capital, the United States’ capital, a university in NYC, the director of Home Alone and Harry Potter, and the country where I get my drugs would all be called something else. What, you ask? Well, depends on who the next guy or gal was. Let’s say the next explorer was named Biff McTickles. We’d have the McTickles River; McTickles, South Carolina; Washington, DM; McTickles University, Biff McTickles, and Venezuela, Part II, (you didn’t think they would name an entire country after someone named Biff McTickles, did you?!).

In any case, it wasn’t ol’ Biff who alerted Europe to the new continents; it was Christopher Columbus, and that is why today’s holiday is named what it is. And while I didn’t do anything to actually celebrate it, (I had to work), I must admit, it feels pretty good to spend Columbus Day in a city that is not Columbus, Ohio. Ah, you smell that? That’s the smell of freedom. On that note, Happy Columbus Day!