Chewie On This

Whose hair would you rather have?

Two days ago, the headline “Chewbacca to Become an American” graced the main page of cnn.com. There are two ways that one might interpret this:

Option A: Chewbacca, the alien from Star Wars, actually exists, and has recently been granted US citizenship.

Option B: The actor who played Chewie in the Star Wars movies is becoming an American.

As this was CNN, and not the Weekly World News, (the paper that brings you weekly updates on Bat Boy and the Pumpkin People), I figured it would be the latter. To my disappointment, I was correct. While option A would have been pretty interesting, (a space alien that is no longer an illegal alien), Option B, the actual story, is not interesting at all. Does this deserve to be on the front page of CNN? Is this even news? I’d be surprised if George Lucas even knows the actor’s name who played Chewbacca, (it’s Peter Mayhew, by the way).

I skimmed the article, hoping for something out of the ordinary or some redeeming twist, but the only thing of note was this:

“When he takes his oath to become an American, Mayhew said he'll recite what he
can remember and ‘it will be a Chewie growl for the other parts.’”

Thank you, CNN, for keeping me abreast of the most important news stories of the day. Using this story as a benchmark, here are some potential headlines for tomorrow:

“Girl in Milwaukee Eats a Large Sandwich”
“Dog to Give Birth to More Puppies.”
“D.C. Resident Switches Loyalty from cnn.com to msnbc.com”