Catharine the Great

Catharine Zeta Jones, who has been crowned W.O.R.D of the Week, possesses beauty and grace that rival even the most stunning women in all of history. One look from those eyes, and she will have a man in the palm of her hands. One sales pitch in her Welsh accent, and she will have a man with a cell phone in the palm of his. I don’t like T-Mobile, but I own seventeen of their phones, thanks to the seductive Ms. Zeta-Jones.

Some may wonder, if Ryan really thinks this highly of CZJ, why is she only Woman of Ryan’s Dreams for this week, and not Most Amazing Lady Ever? Well, first, I cannot have a distinction for women called MALE, because that would just be silly. More importantly, while Catharine at one point had the potential to achieve honors far greater than simply WORD of the week, she will never be able to attain those highest of accolades because she has been befouled by a much older man. It hurts me to say this, but it’s true. She tied the knot with Michael Douglas, a man exactly 25 years her senior, (they share the same birthday, which is also kind of creepy). That would be like me waiting two more years, and then marrying a new born baby. Yes, that is exactly what it would be like. Can you imagine me, married to a little baby? No, you cannot. This very accurate and fair analogy proves, without question, that their marriage is an abomination, which has relegated CZJ to a status that is well below her true potential. Catharine Zeta Jones, so very beautiful, and yet, so very tainted. It’s quite sad, really.

Catharine Zeta Jones	Michael Douglas