Green With Envy

If you look carefully, you'll notice a green torso

My office building has an infestation. An infestation of military personnel. Every day, I encounter a multitude of these annoyances in the elevator, but unlike your typical pest, (e.g. cockroach), you cannot stamp on these, (you are liable to get shot if you try it). Instead, you have to stand quietly as they talk about military nonsense and get on and get off on every single floor between your starting floor and your destination floor.

How do I know that they are members of the military, you ask? Well, it’s easy, I say. They wear full-body, green camouflaged suits. Apparently, while troops are in combat, they must don these outfits in support. In my humble opinion, I think wearing green camouflage in an office building is just silly. If you want to blend in to your surroundings, wearing green and brown outfits against the typical drab colors of an urban office landscape does not hide anything. They should try white camouflage, or maybe just staple some printer paper on top of their current army fatigues. In fact, I would volunteer my stapler and some paper if they would stand there and let me staple it to them.

I mean, why green? I sure hope it’s not the color our troops in Iraq are using. Nothing would be easier than shooting at troops wearing green in a pale brown desert. All the opposing forces would have to do would be to look for new clusters of trees or previously unknown oases and shoot at them. Since I’m fairly confident our troops are sporting the beige look, why aren’t these office warriors doing the same? Well whatever. If they want to be silly and wear the green, fine, but they’d better not expect me to pretend that I can’t see their torsos. Unless of course, they ask nicely. Or wave their guns around. I’m a sucker for both.