Sweet Home, Ala...Virginia

For the last 10 months, when someone would inquire about where I was living or working, I would respond with "Washington, DC".

I was lying.

Truth be told, my current residence is not in DC at all, but in Arlington, Virginia. Granted, I live only a couple of miles from the heart of DC, and my apartment is only half a block from a DC metro stop, and Arlington was at one point part of DC, but was retroceded to Viriginia in 1847, (thanks, Wikipedia). But the fact remains: Now that I live and work in Virginia, and have a Virginia License, (yes, I finally got one. Screw you, DMV ), I am now technically a Virginian.

Translation: I am no longer a Damn Yankee. I am a Southern Gentleman.

As I left the DMV, I naively thought this change of residence wouldn't result in any significant transformations. However, I have been told that, before long, my mannerisms and behaviors will inevitably change as I am consumed by the Southern way of life. Some of the changes I can expect:

• "All of you" will become "Ya'll". Is this contraction the result of verbal efficiency, laziness or poor education? Remind me to tell you once I start to use it.
• Grits will become a staple of my Southern breakfasts.
• I will begin to eat fried things which, as a Northerner, I never imagined possible. Examples include fried green tomatoes and fried Twinkies.
• I will begin to refer to "The Civil War" as "The War of Northern Aggression."
• My dislike of country music will wane, as my propensity for wearing cowboy hats will increase.
• I will have difficulty deciding whether to spend my Saturday at a NASCAR event or watching a rodeo.
• Jeff Foxworthy will become a comedic god to me, and I will find the Blue Collar Comedy tour to be the funniest thing on television. I will not only crack up when Larry the Cable guy says "Git'r Done!", but I myself will embrace that expression and throw it into my daily conversations.
• My distrust of the government will increase, as will my gun collection.
• I will chew, (and spit) tobacco. Oh, that reminds me … I'm gonna need to invest in a quality spittoon!
• I will grow a mullet.

Did I neglect to mention that I'll also drink 40 oz malt liquor from brown bags?

These are merely a few of the changes you will undoubtedly notice in me over the coming months. Advanced computer simulations have released a photo of what I could potentially end up looking like, and I have included said picture here, and in my profile.

Well, that's all folks. But ya'll come back now, ya here!?